It's okey to not be okey, okey?

Grief .

As what I observed and my past experience, you can't run from the reality that you are in pain. It can't be made better. The reality of grief is different from what other see from the outside. There is the pain in this world that you can't cleared out of.

But what i want to tell you is, it's okay to grieve; it's okay to not be okay. I really understand the feeling of losing someone who plays an important role in your life. You won't be the same person as you were before. Dengan kata mudah, senyuman tu dah hilang eventho you try so hard to be ‘you’ again. Cause that person bring together the half of you. But it's okay. Live your life, live the 'half' of your life, and make the best out of it. Live the love they left behind. I'm so sure the person from heaven wants to see you happy too.

You don't need solutions, you don't need to move on from your grief. But sometimes, let someone who you feel like 'home' to hold your hand while you stand there in blinking horror, staring at the hole that was your life. Don't hold onto yourself alone cause i know some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried. But, please don't be alone, okey? Take a deep breath, hold ur chest, look up the sky, baca Al-fatihah. InshaAllah you will feel better.

Just one word, keep going!

People said to me, "you just lost your granddad" but if only you know, this man taught me how to live life without a father figure since I was 2 years old. It's been 5 years, but never once have I found myself not missing him.

Love, Qistin.